Today I sat in community and nourishing conversation with independent business women, artists, solo practitioners—sisters in entrepreneurial endeavors. I brought with me my struggle with overwhelm and a question about finding and tending the energy needed to do my work with passion and integrity. I’m so glad I did. It was such a good conversation.
Of course, there are layers to every experience.
That initial business-based conversation rolled itself into a later conversation with a friend. A deeper question bobbed to the surface. Was I still connected with what makes me, me? There was so much swirling in my mind and body I stepped outside for a quiet moment to process and integrate.
I almost unconsciously noticed the forming buds on the plants populating our gardens. Something about them called to my overwhelm and confusion. A few breaths later, I was on my (now very muddy) knees having a moment with a muscari plant.
The almost-ness of you. The potential the possibility the tight curiosity— I am breathless. You quietly, exquisitely yourself, uncontained and finite all at once. Do you know—can you know— I found myself, again, in your small, fierce presence? Do you know—can you know— the gift of that?
That’s when I realized that my non-verbal responses to interacting with the muscari buds was the answer to that existential question I’d asked. In fact, it was a map of the things that make me, me: wonder, awe, curiosity, delight in the persistence of nature’s cycles, an appreciation for and willingness to engage the danger and potential of the unknown.